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    If you have popped over here from my facebook page could you please add comments in the blog rather than on the link on facebook itself. I dont want to worry YD unnecessarily Thanks. You can now use your facebook log in so you dont need to enter extra details if you like
  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
  • Abbreviations

    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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  • SUSAN’S ARMY

    No Princess Alone button

WSWI getting louder.

This post is going to be public but I am not publicising it on facebook,  as time goes on there may be more of these posts which only my more dedicated readers will see.

I’m waiting for the results of my scan to make sure the chemo is working.  Its time’s like this my WSWI voice become the loudest.  OD had a bit of a breakdown about it too last week.  She worries that I will not be around for her wedding in a year’s time or that I will be too sick from cancer or chemo to take an active part.  I can not make any absolute guarantees but I think I will be ok for that wedding.

Likewise our upcoming trip to Dreamworld – I know the oncologist just want to cross all the ‘Ts’ and dot all the ‘Is’ to make sure that nothing will happen to me while I’m away, but I am so aware that on Wednesday they could turn around, after getting  the results of the scan, and advise me not to go.   We haven’t told YD that might be a possiblity.  We are working on the assumption that it wont happen.  If it does I will have to put more work into a ‘social story’ about how MD and OH and her are going without me.  Likewise if I do go I am aware that my feet will not keep up with the pace the rest (mainly YD) will want to set.  It was very sobering to have to look at Dreamworld’s site to investigate whether or not they had wheelchairs available if I should need one.

I also worry about how tired I was when she went home, after only a day and a half at our place.  Even when we were just sitting planning the trip and preparing YD’s ‘itinerary’ the constant need to be ‘switched on’ was tiring.  Am I going to be able to handle a week of that – even with OH and MD being there?

Likewise the conversation I had with the Cancer Society Liaison nurse last week,  I am entitled to a mobility card so that I can use mobility parking spaces, which admittedly would be handy on those days when my fatigue or sore feet keep me more incapacitated, but I don’t know, it just feels like giving in to defeat to me.

I hate that I even have to think about any of this.  Unfortunately I am too much of a realist, (not a pessimist) to not acknowledge that this is how my life is probably going to be from now on.  In and out of treatment with all of the quirky sideeffects, fatigue, scans etc is how I’m going to live my life.  I just need to figure out how to fit the rest of my life around it.

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2 Comments

  1. Sweetie I understand! When you’re in an ongoing treatment it really is tough to build and plan around the side effects you know you’ll have. We have a habit of cutting things short because I’m either nauseous or my feet are too sore to keep going.
    The new normal is a difficult one. My thoughts are with you and I am sending you tons of love for a successful scan and a vacation as planned!

    Reply
  2. Marti

     /  July 4, 2011

    Jenny,
    Hi. I so admire the calm, rational way in which you can write about the scary circumstances you are facing. Please don’t feel guilty about doing such things as getting that parking card. After all, you want to use whatever energy you have for your family and yourself. I’ll be hoping and praying that you don’t have to write that social story for YD. You are an amazing, strong, loving woman and I sincerely hope this holiday works out for you!

    Reply

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