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    If you have popped over here from my facebook page could you please add comments in the blog rather than on the link on facebook itself. I dont want to worry YD unnecessarily Thanks. You can now use your facebook log in so you dont need to enter extra details if you like
  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
  • Abbreviations

    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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  • SUSAN’S ARMY

    No Princess Alone button

I’m going crazy?

Ok, this is the post where I admit that I’m not as sane and as put together as my last post would seem to imply.

My mind jumps from being all gung-ho and ‘once more into the fray, dear friends’ to all sorts of weird thoughts. 

Let me tell you of one the thought conversations I had with myself on the train this week. I was going over the phone conversation with Dr H in my head.

And I got into this wierd ‘alternative universe’ where I started to think that I might have misheard him when he called.  The way he told me was ” we dont need to schedule a biopsy because its grown” The way I thought I may have misheard him was changing that last word to ‘gone’ instead of ‘grown’.  See how that would change things entirely. 

 I then went over the rest of our conversation trying to make the ‘gone’ fit.  I tried really hard because I wanted so much to believe that could have happened.  I had to admit defeat and acknowledge the word had been ‘grown’ all along.

I’m struggling when I tell people, the look on their faces, when we talk about control not cure.  That’s why I prefer people to read my blog than me tell the same story and answer the same questions and see the same reactions over and over again.  That’s not to say I don’t want to talk about it ever but it needs to be on my terms.

OH and I have done a lot of talking,  some of it pretty honest and scary, some of it a very dark black humourous take on our situation.

I am looking forward to Wednesday’s oncology assessment appointment, because then we will really know what we are up against.  We will be able to make a lot more decisions then.

I have booked myself a ‘Body Shots Photography’ photoshoot for Friday because I dont know what effect the next lot of treatment is going to have on me.  I know I look healthy and good (for me) at the moment and I want to preserve this.  I don’t photograph well in candid shots so I think this is the way to go.

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3 Comments

  1. Awesome that you have booked the BodyShots in – I completely agree with your reasoning behind it.

    Reply
  2. It’s so hard to tell people. I had to do some of that via email just for my own sanity.

    I’m so sorry you’re going through this. *hugs*

    Reply
  3. Cheryl

     /  March 25, 2011

    That is a fantastic thing to do. Pamper yourself for the full day if you can. Pedicure/manicure/ body massage/facial. Feel like a million dollars. It will be worth it.

    Reply

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