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    If you have popped over here from my facebook page could you please add comments in the blog rather than on the link on facebook itself. I dont want to worry YD unnecessarily Thanks. You can now use your facebook log in so you dont need to enter extra details if you like
  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
  • Abbreviations

    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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  • SUSAN’S ARMY

    No Princess Alone button

Family

Tomorrow afternoon my niece S gets married and J officially becomes part of the family although it seems that he’s been part of it forever.  I am so happy for them.  It will also mean a gathering of my family altogether, for the first time in ages.  

I am number 5 of 7 children.  I have 1 brother and 5 sisters (4 living, my sister next oldest to me in age died in a car accicdent in 1983 – in between SisM’s and my weddings – she was 25)  As I wrote that it made me think how often I just say I have 4 sisters to avoid the explanation.

S’s wedding will be the biggest gathering of family since my Mum’s funeral in 2004.  When we have all been in the same place at the same time.  We have had gatherings in that time but there has always been a person or two missing.  We are spread all over NZ and Australia – Melbourne, Brisbane, Christchurch, Auckland etc.

Its times like this I miss my mum.  She was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in January 2004 (unknown primary – possibly ovarian or other ‘female’  cancer but not known for sure).  She only lived 7 weeks from diagnosis. 

Before she died she was the lynchpin of the family – as there is  a 17 year span of ages we the children weren’t necessarily close growing up but Mum was the one that kept us tied to each other.  Since she has died we have had to forge those links for ourselves and we have and I think she would be proud of us. 

One thing that does worry me about tomorrow is that I don’t know if my ‘Australian’ sisters know about my recent scare and that we are still waiting for results, they read my blog but with busy lives and assuming that things were good with me they may not have read it lately.  I do intend to let them know if there is ‘something’ to know – i.e. if I am going back into treatment.  

I got told off yesterday by my uni friend N for not letting her know – she isn’t on fb or my blog as she doesnt like computers very much – but while it is only a scare and not a definite thing – I didn’t want to message everyone and have them worry along with me.  I also haven’t told my MIL or any of OH’s side of the family.  Again, I dont know if any of them have checked my blog lately. 

As I said to N yesterday – I dont like ringing or messaging and going “by the way I’ve had another scare”.  I think I am a bit of a coward.  I hide behind facebook and my blog so I don’t have to deal with telling people in real life.  As I was saying to N I think its the introvert in me – when I’m stressed I find it harder to be around people and let people in.

Hopefully next Wednesday,  we will get good news and then I’ll be able to go “yeah I’ve had a scare but it turned out to be all good, nothing to worry about”.  I feel much more comfortable telling my MIL, and my sisters that than “I’ve had a scare and we’re still waiting to find out.”

Is there a right way or wrong way to handle this? – I don’t know – I’m just handling it the best way I know how.

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1 Comment

  1. I think you have the right to tell or not tell in whichever way makes you feel most comfortable. Of course, those who care about you want to be able to support you however they can, and they can’t do that if they don’t know. Maybe you have to decide whether the discomfort of telling people now is outweighed by the discomfort of telling them later and having them disappointed they didn’t know earlier? I don’t know, and I’m glad it’s not something I have to deal with, because I think I would feel a lot like you do!
    Best of luck. I really really hope that by Wednesday you’ll be walking on air and assuring us all there’s nothing to worry about 🙂

    Reply

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