Tomorrow afternoon my niece S gets married and J officially becomes part of the family although it seems that he’s been part of it forever. I am so happy for them. It will also mean a gathering of my family altogether, for the first time in ages.
I am number 5 of 7 children. I have 1 brother and 5 sisters (4 living, my sister next oldest to me in age died in a car accicdent in 1983 – in between SisM’s and my weddings – she was 25) As I wrote that it made me think how often I just say I have 4 sisters to avoid the explanation.
S’s wedding will be the biggest gathering of family since my Mum’s funeral in 2004. When we have all been in the same place at the same time. We have had gatherings in that time but there has always been a person or two missing. We are spread all over NZ and Australia – Melbourne, Brisbane, Christchurch, Auckland etc.
Its times like this I miss my mum. She was diagnosed with metastatic cancer in January 2004 (unknown primary – possibly ovarian or other ‘female’ cancer but not known for sure). She only lived 7 weeks from diagnosis.
Before she died she was the lynchpin of the family – as there is a 17 year span of ages we the children weren’t necessarily close growing up but Mum was the one that kept us tied to each other. Since she has died we have had to forge those links for ourselves and we have and I think she would be proud of us.
One thing that does worry me about tomorrow is that I don’t know if my ‘Australian’ sisters know about my recent scare and that we are still waiting for results, they read my blog but with busy lives and assuming that things were good with me they may not have read it lately. I do intend to let them know if there is ‘something’ to know – i.e. if I am going back into treatment.
I got told off yesterday by my uni friend N for not letting her know – she isn’t on fb or my blog as she doesnt like computers very much – but while it is only a scare and not a definite thing – I didn’t want to message everyone and have them worry along with me. I also haven’t told my MIL or any of OH’s side of the family. Again, I dont know if any of them have checked my blog lately.
As I said to N yesterday – I dont like ringing or messaging and going “by the way I’ve had another scare”. I think I am a bit of a coward. I hide behind facebook and my blog so I don’t have to deal with telling people in real life. As I was saying to N I think its the introvert in me – when I’m stressed I find it harder to be around people and let people in.
Hopefully next Wednesday, we will get good news and then I’ll be able to go “yeah I’ve had a scare but it turned out to be all good, nothing to worry about”. I feel much more comfortable telling my MIL, and my sisters that than “I’ve had a scare and we’re still waiting to find out.”
Is there a right way or wrong way to handle this? – I don’t know – I’m just handling it the best way I know how.