I’m trying to get into my next assignment. Its due on the 4th of May – but every time I try to get into it the fact it is due on the 4th of May keeps interfering. Why? – because the 4th of May is also the day that I find out whether I am officially in remission again.
I have got through the full-time uni schedule from the beginning of March by telling myself over and over again “Its only til the end of April! Its only til the end of April!” Its the only way I have been able to psych myself up to go to Uni every day when I have been feeling so bone tired most of the time.
Now is the moment of reckoning – although I am fairly positive the chemo has worked – now that it has come down to it , I didn’t realise how anxious I was about that being the case. I think it has been a fairly emotional last couple of weeks – times like Easter and Christmas make you reflect about whether you will be around for many more occasions to come. Then I did the assignment about my own personal cultural identity which made me dig deep and let myself be vulnerable to my class mates. So I am feeling even more emotionally charged than usual.
So how do I get over this hump about not being able to think about my assignment without being sidetracked about the date? OD, a much more veteran University student than I suggests that I shift the date in my head that the assignment is due. That I tell myself I have to have it finished by the 3rd or even the last day of April to get over the significance that I have attached to the 4th.
What ever I do – I have to find some way of turning off my anxiety about the 4th long enough for me to concentrate on the assignment. Wish me luck for both the assignment and the remission result