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  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
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    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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4th of May = Anxiety

I’m trying to get into my next assignment.  Its due on the 4th of May – but every time I try to get into it the fact it is due on the 4th of May keeps interfering.  Why? – because the 4th of May is also the day that I find out whether I am officially in remission again. 

I have got through the full-time uni schedule from the beginning of March by telling myself over and over again “Its only til the end of April! Its only til the end of April!”  Its the only way I have been able to psych myself up to go to Uni every day when I have been feeling so bone tired most of the time.

Now is the moment of reckoning – although I am fairly positive the chemo has worked – now that it has come down to it , I didn’t realise how anxious I was about that being the case.  I think it has been a fairly emotional last couple of weeks – times like Easter and Christmas make you reflect  about whether you will be around for many more occasions to come.  Then I did the assignment about my own personal cultural identity which made me dig deep and let myself be vulnerable to my class mates.  So I am feeling even more emotionally charged than usual.

So how do I get over this hump about not being able to think about my assignment without being sidetracked about the date?  OD, a much more veteran University student than I suggests that I shift the date in my head that the assignment is due.  That I tell myself I have to have it finished by the 3rd or even the last day of April to get over the significance that I have attached to the 4th.

What ever I do – I have to find some way of turning off my anxiety about the 4th long enough for me to concentrate on the assignment.  Wish me luck for both the assignment and the remission result

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