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    If you have popped over here from my facebook page could you please add comments in the blog rather than on the link on facebook itself. I dont want to worry YD unnecessarily Thanks. You can now use your facebook log in so you dont need to enter extra details if you like
  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
  • Abbreviations

    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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  • SUSAN’S ARMY

    No Princess Alone button

How do I feel?

I have been talking this week to my friends about the fact that surgery is fast approaching.  They ask me how I feel about that and to be honest it is part relief and part terror. 

Relief because this is finally going to get Gertrude off my chest both figuratively and literally.  Up to now I have been “ok lets get on with it – whats the next step in the treatment? – ok let’s go!” and the surgery is the culmination of the treatment that has gone before. 

The terror part comes from this is where we find out how successful all the other treatment has been – whether or not there are clear margins around the cancer when they take off my breast or whether or not it has gone into my chest wall.  I get the results of the histology a week after surgery and that will be when they tell me how much I have beaten Gertrude. 

But even if there is clear margins there is also now the fact I will always be on edge to whether or not it has or will come back, and that is just a waiting game.  Life is not going to return to the life I knew before Gertrude. No matter how much I am positive and do all the things to try and prevent recurrence (eat healthy etc) ultimately I have no control over whether it returns or not. 

I remain hopeful that this will not be the case, and as Sis M wrote in her last comment ‘I will remain my usual chirpy self’.   Even when I am thinking negative thoughts I never let them get me down for long.  If there is one thing I have learnt the most from having Gertrude is that letting yourself feel down is just a waste of time and energy. 

I also need to explain why I have decided to name my prosthesis etc.  Its a control thing.  I have so little control over the fact that from now on I will have to wear things in my bras because I won’t have a breast that by naming them I regain a little more control. I also make it a little more “user-friendly” rather than just thinking of them as just a lump of wadding or silicone that  I have to stick in my bra every day.

I had my herceptin chemo yesterday and then went to the dentist to get the impresssion done for my new top plate.  I also went Easter Egg shopping.  YD is coming home tomorrow (Saturday) and we will be going out for YD’s family birthday dinner tomorrow night.  On Sunday we are having OD’s friend (and my “adopted daughter”) M and her two daughters, C aged 4, and A nearly 2, visit for an Easter Egg hunt and lunch. 

OH and I are hopeful to get out for some “couple time” later this afternoon and on Monday we might be visiting friends. 

Happy Easter everyone!!

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2 Comments

  1. jessiedog

     /  April 9, 2009

    Just happened upon your blog and wanted to wish you all the best on your journey. 🙂

    Reply
  2. Lawrence andJ enny

     /  April 10, 2009

    Good luck. Were on the journey with you too.
    XXX L& J

    Reply

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