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  • All about Gertrude

    Gertrude is the name we decided to call my cancerous breast hence the title of this blog. Although I had to keep my breast through chemo and radiation due to the nature of IBC - once it 'blew up' it no longer looked like my breast and I couldn't wait to get rid of it. Calling it Gertrude was a way of seperating it from myself. This main page is where I write about the general goings on that relate to Gertrude, there is another page that are more a diary of treatments etc This blog is a public blog so although I am being very honest about my battle with Gertrude I have "changed names to protect the innocent" - because everyone can see it if you write comments on the blog pages please use the same abbreviations for other family member or friends that I do. Please feel free to ask questions if you want clarification because then other people who might have been wondering the same thing can read your question and our answers.
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    OH- Other Half (Hubby), OD- Oldest Daughter, MD- Middle Daugher, YD- Youngest Daughter, SB- soulja boi MD's fiance in the army (now ex fiance), OD's R OD's partner, BS- Breast surgeon whose initials just happen to be BS as well, BC- our GP (family doctor), Dr H- my medical oncologist, all other friends family etc will be referred to as initials etc
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  • SUSAN’S ARMY

    No Princess Alone button

Pacing myself

Later today I get my scan results as to whether this chemo is working so will do another blog post tomorrow to catch you up on the results but I thought I had better do a blog post to catch you up on the last couple of weeks.

The cold I mentioned that I had in the previous blog post came back in full force after my subsequent chemo and I ended up going on antibiotics to get rid of it.  I missed my university class that week and generally felt miserable.  My eyes are reacting badly to this chemo – harder to focusand I  need my glasses on to see anything at all and with the cold I found I couldn’t read or see much of anything which made for a very boring week.  I even struggled to play facebook games as the screen would go blurry…and you know how much I rely on facebook games to keep myself sane.

I have only just got back on top of my health, coldwise, this last week and have been trying to catch up on things.

But I have had to pace myself.  If you know me in real life you will know I walk very fast, and I find it hard to convince people that I’m sick when my normal walking pace is still 4 kms/hr.  OH notices I walk a lot slower and so do my daughters but many of my friends dont pick it.  I still have to walk at a fast pace as when I dont I actually get pain in my hip from walking slower as my hips and body are used to a certain pace.  I just cant walk as far.  I also cant walk up stairs, ramps or hills easily and feel very breathless.   I sometimes forget that I need to sit and rest frequently and when that happens I have a dizzy spell such as I did last Tuesday after class when I went to lunch and a  little wander round the shops with AW and MH.  I suddenly went all cold and clammy and they had to take care of me – with AW not prepared to put me on the train home so drove me home (completely out of her way by direction and distance)  Thanks AW.

I actually got very upset later that night because that episode  brought home to me just how dependent I am on others.  I have always been an independent sort of woman capable of doing things my own way and in my own time.  I no longer drive myself much further than our local town and feel frustrated by the limitations chemo and cancer put on me for doing things on my own.  And unless I get my spontaneous miraculous remission it will only get worse.  I find it really hard to ask for help and feel guilty for accepting it because thats just the sort of person I am, and I am angry that cancer is taking my independence away from me.

I have to figure out new ways of doing things so I can keep on doing the things I love for as long as I can, and maintain as much independence as I can without jeopardising my health.  I am grateful to my family and friends for ‘keeping an eye on me’ – Such as yesterday when I went shopping with MD – she had to head to her part-time job so I was catching the train home, but I was feeling a little tired and sore so unbeknownst to me she had rung her father to get him to check that I had got home safely.  It feels weird to me that they have to do that but I am grateful for it at the same time.

I will continue to learn how to pace myself , OD’s wedding is fast approaching and I am doing a few little jobs for that, I have an assignment due for university just before the wedding and I am also working on a couple of other projects that are important to me.  I will get them all done as long as I pace myself and allow myself time to rest as well.

As one of the old ads on TV used to say ” dont worry I AM looking after myself”

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4 Comments

  1. That loss of independence must be incredibly difficult. Thinking of you.

    Reply
  2. Sorry about the nasty cold. It is hard to pace yourself I’m sure, not to mention frustrating. We do what we must I guess. Good luck with the scan.

    Reply
  3. Anna H

     /  May 7, 2012

    I love you Jenny – your blogs are as always an inspiration to others.

    Reply
  4. Jayne Muir-james

     /  May 10, 2012

    …yep the secret is to pace yourself – even if I have trouble keeping up! X

    Reply

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